Monday morning and I am just not psyked (like most people). I have trouble waking up, due to the busy Sunday that went till late into the night. So I sit in the office trying really hard to go through this 55 page (Times new Roman font 11) report about issues that I am not even interested in and I think to myself..... wow, whe was the last time I was really happy?
I wake up having planned how I will fake smiles just to get through the day. I spend most of the day wondering... what if? So very many what ifs in my life, I am living in the past, full of regrets yet joys, very confused. I convince myself, better days are coming. Sometimes, I just have one of those fabulous days where I don't spend all day worrying about money, or how will I make it through tomorrow, then at the end of the day, something just happens, and I burst into tears like a child who has been denied a toy.
Sometimes when I am having a really bad day, I comfort myself by reminding my self there are those having a worse day (this doesn't work). So I ask my self this question over and over... am I a coward? I ask this because, I have read the books, watched the films, been advised by the wise clearly I know what to do, but I am afraid to do it. I need to do it, in order to be truly happy. Those are my everyday blues.
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